Friday Night Lyrics

"Warm smell of Chalupas rising up through the a-a-air."

I'm Back!

Dearest bazillions and bazillions of readers, thank you all for being so patient while I was on a short vacation. As you know, it's been a few days since I've posted on this blog. Alot has happened while I was gone, but you should all be happy for the great deeds I've done while enjoying my days off.

Not long ago I was with the Navy Seals lounging in a helicopter flying Afghanistan. I asked the pilot to stop at a compound so I could ask to use the restroom. Upon entering, I saw Osama bin Laden of all people, so I chased him down and shot him in the head. Then I dragged him out of the head so I could relieve myself in private. Before the Seals and I left, I converted Osama's girlfriend to Baptist and impregnated her saving another soul.

Just a few months ago I was busy running Mitt Romney's Presidential Campaign. I, H. Rudy Ericson (pronounce the dot) take a vast majority of the credit for ousting the Socialist Barack Obama from the White House. You're welcome, President Romney. You too First MILF Ann. *wink wink*

A couple days ago the CIA asked me to complete a mission. I choked Hugo Chavez to death twice with my own two hands. Afterward I converted the last 10 Miss Valenzuelas and impregnated them all.

Thanks again for being so patient while I had some R and R, readers. I'll write again real soon. I promise.

Scantily clad women give no attention to poor men who refer to them as "bitches"

Christianj from the blog What "Men" think of Women is not having much luck with the ladies. I just can't figure out why. On the post, dated 27.1.07, titled "If women are so great and deserving of a world recognised award, why do they innitiate 70-75% of all divorces ? " he shows his respect for women by refering to them as "bitches". Women love that.

Pete Patriarch of Pete Patriarch's Musings left this comment on the blog Fundies Say The Darndest Things: "All women are whores, no matter how you look at it! No matter what form of payment they take...No matter how much they value their slit, its always for sale for the right price." Evidently these two poor souls cannot get laid and are very angry about it. Women don't find pleasure sleeping with these two wonderful men. What can they do about it?

On Christianj's post he gives single men some much needed advice on meeting women, something he is obviously an expert at:

3. Make conversation, find out if the bitch is interested in you or your future earning potential. Bear in mind she's is a practised and professional liar and if you think you can see through it you are a better man than me. They have been doing it for centuries, best you get some advice.

4. Do not think with your little head or you will get screwed, ask Paul McCartney.

#4 is some sound advice. Every time I think with my little head I get screwed. Well, almost every time. But why is it that these two gentlemen who have such respect for the opposite sex can't seem to get laid?

Maybe the answer lies in these words taken from Christianj's profile: Their over expectations can be attributed more to a lack of personal fulfillment than to the inadequacies of men.

Inadequacies? What inadequacies can a man possibly have? I'm sure there is something these two can do to compensate for the inadequacies they claim not to have. Isn't there? Go get 'em ladies before some other lucky women grab them up!

Hat tip to Kristin for showing me the link to Stop My Abortion where I learned about the blogs in my "Men that women hate" blog roll and to Kevin of To Consolate My Mind for telling of the witty comment that Christianj posted on the site mentioned above.

Shameful Family Secret.

See the picture to the right, there. I found this gadget in my 15 year old sons room. I was ashamed to learn that my son had this problem. I swear he gets it from his mothers side of the family. I asked him where he purchased this penis enlarger. After an hour of rolling on the floor laughing he fessed up. With a strange smile on his face and his eyes bright red he confessed that he purchased this man stretcher from a slimy hood in a JC Penney parking lot in North Texas. He is no longer allowed to visit his cousin CJ. I told him that if this device makes him feel more confident then he can keep it. Again he rolled on the floor laughing hysterically. I guess my decision made him that happy.

Attention

Texas Rangers:
Be on the lookout for a greasy, one-eyed varmint driving a 1974 Chevy Vega. He has a box full of these penis enlargers. He must be stopped.

Now for some good news about this son of mine. He has taken a keen interest in agriculture. He asked if I would allow him to spend his next summer vacation at his friends farm in Northern California. Nothing would make me prouder than if my son became a farmer. I hope he can find a cash crop and retire early.

Having My Baby

GOOD NEWS: Wife is pregnant!
BAD NEWS: The conservative beauty queen I've been flirting with has given me the brush off. I will have to find some other little woman to keep me busy while the old lady is out of service.

NARAL

Those of us in the Anti-Choice fight must keep tabs on the enemy. I found the following on the official NARAL website:

Abortion


While it's critical to promote policies
that help prevent unintended pregnancies and make abortion less necessary, NARAL
Pro-Choice America also fights to protect the right to safe, legal abortion.

In 1973, the Supreme Court guaranteed American women the right to choose
abortion in its landmark decision Roe v. Wade. In Roe, the
Court issued a compromise between the state's ability to restrict abortion and a
woman's right to choose.

Since that time, the anti-choice movement has
worked furiously to dismantle it – with the ultimate goal of overturning the
decision altogether. Anti-choice activists are working hard in state
legislatures, the courts, and Congress to take away our rights.

It is my duty as a Conservative Christian to do everything in my power to stop these safe, legal abortions from continuing.

I know that my words on this blog have changed the minds of many women. I am so impressed with myself that I have made myself a fancy logo and put it above my handsome profile photo. I have also given myself a new nickname. "HEmanzee" is what I sometimes call myself. Sometimes I go by "the HE". I think it's catchy.

I would like to hear some of the wonderful nicknames my readers have for me. Tell me.

Boxer Attacks Condi

The left has gone too far:

SEN. BARBARA BOXER, D-CALIF.: Who pays the price? Who pays theprice? I'm not going to pay a personal price. My kids are too old and my grandchild is too young. You're not going to pay a particular price, as I understand it, with an immediate family.

Now, Secretary Rice was stunnedand later said this to FOX News:

SECRETARY OF STATE CONDOLEEZZA RICE: I guess that means I don't have kids… was that the purpose? Atthe time I just found it a bit confusing, frankly. But in retrospect, gee, Ithought single women had come further than that.

And, the White Housewas quick to react to Senator Boxer's attack. Tony Snow said this on FOX NewsRadio:

WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY TONY SNOW: Here yougot a professional woman, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and Barbara Boxeris sort of throwing little jabs because Condi doesn't have children, as if thatmeans that she doesn't understand the concerns of parents. Great leap backwardfor feminism.

So, Condi has no children to fight in the war. So what? Here's a plan to shut up the lefties. Condi could adopt 5 or 6 orphans (preferably negroes) who are just months from turning 18. That should give her plenty of time to talk them into joining the military. That would shut Barbara Boxer up and help out the military. No blood relatives of Condi would be in danger.

All the far left wants to do is throw emotion at complicated problems.

HE's Man of the Year

I tried to reflect on this past year and decide who I would want to be my pick as Man of the Year. Most decent people would choose Donald Rumsfeld because he is an honest man who is not afraid to send kids to fight and die for our president. But he is a quitter so Rick Santorum is my choice because he embodies all of what is good about conservatives. He is a man of faith, integrity and we will never forget his heated conversations with Barbara Boxer over when life really begins. For those of you who don't know. Life begins in the testicles. I'll put it in words that you hens can understand. Women are like chickens. Once that egg is laid it is no longer yours. Santorum did not deserve to lose on November 7th and it was a deep disappointment to me that he did. I think I was more upset about him losing than a lot of other things that happened this last election. Several positions have been brought up as future possibilities so it will be neat to see in what way he serves down the road. He will be greatly missed in the Senate. I am sure that everyone on Capitol Hill with the exception of Barbara Boxer is saddened by his losing.

No more 19th Amendment (Suffrage Amendment)

Blame the barkeep:

Wyoming was the first territory in the United States to extend women the right to vote, doing so with little fanfare in its 1869 territorial legislature with a bill introduced by William H. Bright, a saloon keeper from South Pass City. He was ably assisted by Edward Lee, the Secretary of Wyoming Territory and a prominent suffragist. The legislators' motives were undoubtedly mixed. One big incentive was the notion that giving women the vote would attract attention and settlers to the territory...

Republicans lost in November thanks to liberal women voters. I've written a letter to President George W. Bush askig him to revoke the 19th Amendment. How can we ever win the long war on terror if women are allowed to vote and run for office. Where will the soldiers of the future come from if abortion rights are made permanent. One bartender and a drunk patron ruined this country over 130 years ago.

Reproductive Rights

I recently learned that my wife aborted our first child. She was 17 when she violated my reproductive rights. She used the "my father would have killed me" excuse. Unbelievable. At least I can take satisfaction in knowing that when I am enjoying a peaceful eternity in heaven she will be turning on a spit over some red hot coals in hell. Burn, baby, burn!